And no one will know anymore how literally and figuratively, my whole being, most especially my heart is pierced to the smallest of fragments, when the saddest reality continues to hit me sporadically... that YOU ARE GONE!!!!
Anguish.Pain. Permanent.
Maybe this time, the ugly scars will blossom to beautiful memories.
Maybe this time, the crooked twists will turn to paths clear and translucent.
Maybe this time, the anguished nightmares will lead to calm and sweet slumber.
Maybe this time, the havocs of the past will guide us to a peaceful future.
Maybe this time, the immature infatuation will be a steady kind of affection.
Maybe this time, the walls I built high will dissolve and untie my fists.
Maybe this time, the thoughtfulness you shower me will take off my fool-proof vest.
Maybe this time, the love of the past trauma will be healed by true and tested love.
Northern Star. You.Me.
To talk and laugh with you today
Is a dose of sunshine and endorphins.
To have your extravagant support
With my family's upcoming Sportsfest
Is something that bursts my heart with glee.
To watch the Lakers and Kings together
Is what you got excited and glad.
To make it happen in reality soon
Is also pouring me with twinkle stars.
But we have to pause, my Northern Star.
I vow that as much as I could control
I choose not to see you yet.
Not today. Not tomorrow. Not soon.
What we have right now in the present
The friendship and care that exists
It is something I cherish and enjoy
As we were never friends before, decades ago.
We understand each other better now.
We smile at each other's eyes with affection.
We know what we have, enchanting and magical
That is so rare for people to find.
Northern Star. Enchanting. Magical.
This morning after the mass, OCF (our Tito Boy), says, "Kalagu mu naman," I giggly threw a thank you.
Yes, every Sunday when I attend the Eucharistic celebration, I really dress and doll up. I wear my dress and fine and precious jewelry. Pumoporma ako for God. Going to church every Sunday is an obligation that I do effortlessly, sincerely and happily. I call it my Thanksgiving Day to God, as the six other days of the week, I bombard Him with my countless pleas and wants.
Sunday is a special day I let Him know how much I value and appreciate the gift of life, love, family, friends, work and good health.
Today, a loud Thank you my heart said for a job position offered for me by Kaiser Permanente. Finally, I am in.
Sunday. Mass. Thanksgiving.
