Koyang Miller sees sweet chichacorn, he cries coz that's At's favorite. Chewy cries when he sees my Zoom rosary photo of his Mama. It makes me sad , nonetheless glad with their reaction. Better for them to feel and welcome the pain than numbness to envelope their grief.
High and low rides appear indefinitely as we all come to terms with the permanent loss of Ate Reggie in our earthly existence.
Grief. Sorrow. At
When my Koyang Miller calls, I know he simply wants to have light conversations and to have few minutes of breathing that is regular. Oh Koya!! I don't know but to see you without your greatest love and soulmate breaks me. I will be here for you and my Chewy.
At, I watched Hello Love, Again of Kathryn and Alden. I did not cry even while the characters were sobbing. I don't know. Maybe 'coz my heart is in a fatigued and numb mode lately? If you are here, for sure we will chat about it and you'll watch the movie on Netflix, too.
PS: I am into RDJ lately since The Judge. So I watched all Iron Man and Avengers movies already. At, I think I like RDJ coz he acts similarly to my John Lloyd. :)
Grief. At. Reggie.
Dear At...,
It's Daddy's 83rd birthday today. Of course I went to Angeleno to greet him and join the family in this occasion. The pain and sadness was palpable, how each one is trying to be strong for one another. Daddy is so cute, he tried the Uniqlo jacket I gave him, right away. He says it fits and he likes it.:)
At, Daddy is now a Zoom rosary leader every Saturday. Your Ate Liza and Ate Nonette continue to join our family 6PM rosary.
You made your presence felt in the form of a butterfly, At. The best party planner and organizer ever.
You see how your John stayed with me and Beloy for a chat of random circumstances, people and things. The happy, sad and mysterious realities of life. We paused when it becomes a bit much then we laugh remembering funny stories.
Our Chewy went to the park and played basketball with his friends. He needs it- the sun, sky and sweat.:)
Good night, At. I love you.
At. Reggie. Sister.
Dear At,
Yesterday was your 9th day of earthly departure. Our Among Ching held mass for you in Zoom. Attendees were from all parts of the globe. Among Ching said, " Gie, salamat sa ngiti mo. At sa mga pictures na kuha mo. Magaganda sila at sentro. Di tulad pag kami ang kumuha, kahit papano lang. Yun ang di ko makakalimutan sa 'yo, and ngiti mo at ang mga pictures na kuha mo.
"Miller, Boo, kapit lang. Si Apung Obing at Mamang, nalampasan ang mga pagsubok sa pagdarasal at pagsisimba."
Arlettte wonderfully created a video tribute of you with loads of photos and your funny videos. Most notably was your video with a palis tambo in the background as Among Ching was giving his Thank you message for my "vlog."
You made a tremendous, wonderful and generous impact in this world, At.
At. Reggie. Sister.
I belong to a book club!:) Its members are me and my nieces Mai and Kim.:) We recently discovered that we actually read books. Shocking!!Lol!!
Mai acquired a Kindle to deviate a bit from her Tiktok obsession. In our group chat, she recommended the novel, The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros. I read the sample on Kindle, inevitably I wanted to continue with the story so I gave in and agreed to Kindle Unlimited membership.
I deleted Facebook and Instagram apps on my iphone. I plan to "waste" my time on reading and watching movies, especially all that star Robert Downey Jr.
The Last Letter had me very personally involved with all its characters. It is a family drama of Ella McKenzie and her twins, Maisie and Colt, and Beckett Gentry- Call Sign Chaos. I will not make a book review here. All I can say is the story brought fat, big tears that almost turned to sobs, I wanna scream especially when seven-year-old Colt died. I gasped for breath, feeling and crying with Chaos, Ella and Maisie.
Our boys Char and Nugget stayed with me at the living room, staring at me with pawed- sympathy while I hold my Kindle, my heart and spirit crushed and twisted to fragments with grief. I moved back to the day and months after my Mamang left the earthly world. How physical breathing is too much of a task to do naturally.
Oh, books and reading. We shall continue to have a tight and steady relationship.
Reading. Cathartic. Worthwhile.
We last saw each other about 26 years ago. I don't remember anymore where and how. I know that the breakup was ugly. Few weeks after, I heard you were back with one of your exes, then got married. Question... how many wives did you have so far?
Two years ago,we started to communicate again. Like we were long lost best friends.There the daily text messages, phone calls and video conversations. We talk everything, anything under the sun and moon. Our past, present and future. We laugh together and paused when the details become a little bit to bear.You share your dreams and fears and I tell you my thoughts.
Gradually, you become a part of my life in a big way..again. I have no trouble opening my doubts and disappointments to you. You surprise me with your patience and understanding, which is 360 degree opposite of the Jay I know decades ago.
You don't disagree with anything I say, rather you assure me of your respect and support. We used to fight and argue over the littlest of things.
We haven't seen each other yet. I want to but I don't want to.Afraid of how and what I will feel, realize, and decide if ever we do.
I pray to God. My mind says to keep you away from me even if it will shatter my heart once more. My heart whispers loudly for once, the two of us may be allowed to be together and be happy, finally.
Northern Star. Fate. Destiny.
And tonight, tequila reinstated its tight bond with me. Five shots, sobs and sighs I need to release. Oh tequila, just you and me and my Senti Songs playlist.
Cheers to the world!!!
Tequila. Tzie. Tears.
